Out Cold

on November 21, 2001 by Tim Cogshell
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   To call "Out Cold" pointless would be in itself pointless. After all, there are a lot of pointless movies but some of them are still entertaining. This is worse than pointless: It's the purposeful abuse of time. It's taking time and treating it like it's just not worth anything. And, frankly, we really shouldn't stand for that.

   The premise is this: a group of idiots, one normal guy, Rick (Jason London), and one normal girl, Jenny (A.J. Cook), work at a venerable snowboarding park--as if a snowboarding park could be venerable--that's about to be taken over by a rich, obnoxious resort magnet played by the Six Million Dollar Man, a.k.a. actor Lee Majors (who has gotten chubby and may be worth only about $650 nowadays). Anyhoo, Jenny is pining for Rick, who's trying to get over a hot French babe named Anna (Caroline Dhavernas), who broke his heart after a week in Mexico. Meanwhile, the cast of remarkably mediocre supporting players construct dumb practical jokes that they play on a particularly heavy sleeper among their group, and beat each other up a lot. That is, when they are not spending their time trying to "get laid."

   For some reason, likely because the filmmaking Malloy Brothers (Brendan and Emmett in their debut feature) thought it was funny, there is a recurring "Casablanca" motif in the film. It isn't funny. In fact, nothing in this movie is funny. There's a good deal of stupid, a lot of silly, hordes of dumb and a bunch of hackneyed, but no funny. By the way, do we really need another pair of filmmaking brothers burdening us with their lame senses of humor as they use energy of two to make a mess that surely one bad director could manage? On the other hand, perhaps it does take two to make a stinker this big. Starring Jason London, Flex Alexander, Derek Hamilton, A J Cook, David Denman, Caroline Dhavernas, Zach Galifianakis, Willie Carson and Lee Majors. Directed by Brendan Malloy and Emmett Malloy. Written by John Zack. Produced by Michael Aguilar, Jonathan Glickman and Lee R. Mayes. A Buena Vista release. Comedy. Rated PG-13 for language, crude and sexual humor and substance abuse. Running time: 90 mi

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