The Man

on September 09, 2005 by Wade Major
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O mighty God who art in Heaven, Many are the years I have labored in this vineyard, partaking of fruit both sweet and sour. Great have been the summer seasons of mine tribulations, even unto the trial of my faith in the righteousness of Hollywood. But throughout these times of woe, I have remained steadfast and faithful, ever hopeful of my day of deliverance.

But the forces of darkness are drawing nigh, dear Lord, and I fear for mine salvation, for I have seen great and dreadful signs of the apocalypse to come -- "The Island," "The Dukes of Hazzard," "Fantastic Four," "Bewitched," "Bad News Bears" and other pestilences great and numerous. Yea, verily, I have peered through the very gates of Hell, even to behold "The Man," and verily have I seen the demise of cinema. Great is the shame of this plot in which Samuel Jackson's undercover ATF agent conscripts Eugene Levy's dental equipment salesman into an undercover arms smuggling sting after Levy is mistaken for Jackson -- a graven image of "48 Hours" and "Midnight Run"; though it draws near to them with its lips, its heart is far from them.

Great eternal father, if it be thy will, spare thine children this fate and rain thy punishments upon the transgressors who defile thy temple; let them feel thy eternal wrath even as ye return this industry to the hands of thy faithful that they may be free from the bondage of summer tentpoles. Deliver us to the promised land of originality, storytelling and character development that we, thy humble servants, may at long last receive our just recompense. Even so, amen. Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Eugene Levy, Luke Goss and Miguel Ferrer. Directed by Les Mayfield. Written by Jim Piddock, Margaret Oberman and Steve Carpenter. Produced by Robert N. Fried. A New Line release. Comedy. Rated PG-13 for language, rude dialogue and some violence. Running time: 84 min

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