Okay, at the outset let me simply say, and for the record, that I have no animus whatsoever against the genres usually described as chick lit or (closer to home) as chick flicks. Nor do I have any problem with the gifted and reliably toothsome Julia Roberts (in fact, I belong to the admittedly small sub-species of humanity who considers her last effort, the commercially disappointing screwball thriller Duplicity, something of a misunderstood little masterpiece. But I digress.)
In any case, I bring all this up because what nonetheless steams my beans is...
Video Event of the Week: Might Fox's Blu-ray of Date Night, the should have been funnier Tina Fey/Steve Carell knock-off of The Out-of-Towners, perhaps be what we're talking about? Could Sony's DVD of Death at a Funeral, the should have been funnier Americanized remake of the 2007 British comedy of the same name, conceivably be in the running? Or is there any chance at all that Warner Home Video's Blu-ray update of What's Up, Doc?, the should have been a LOT funnier Peter Bogdanovich attempt at a classic screwball comedy, is in fact The One?
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Your assignment: Perform the following mad and brilliant speech on cinema from Gore Vidal's 1968 novel Myra Breckinridge (which does not, if memory and the IMDB quote page serves, figure in the appalling 1970 screen adaptation by Mike Sarne):
MYRA: "One must be thankful for those strips of celluloid which still endure to remind us that once there were gods and goddesses in our midst and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (where I now sit) preserved their shadows for all time! Could the real Christ have possessed a fraction of the radiance and mystery of H.B.
Okay, I realize it's a pretty shameless cash-in on the whole Pride and Prejudice With Zombies literary mashup thing, but still -- this is one of those great ideas you can't believe nobody thought of until now:
Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for....wait for it...Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Undead?
The plot, freely adapted from the studio press release:
Living in the back room of his father's doctors office, broke, frustrated ladies man Julian (Jake Hoffman) scores his big break when he lands the job directing an off Broadway version of Hamlet.
Sad news, indeed; of all the fantasy women that I fell for in my callow youth -- a long list, and I think I need to check on how Diana Rigg is doing at the moment -- Patricia Neal was the one who really made my knees wobble.
Ah, that voice....that come hither look.
Ironically, for such a mainstream actress, Neal's most iconic role was in a genre film -- as the suburban single mom who gets to save the world by speaking alien gibberish to a killer robot in The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951). But most people probably fell for her as the tightly-wrapped society girl with the healthy libido who can't keep her hands off Gary Cooper in The Fountainhead (1949).
Okay, wrote about this one back in March, but as faithful reader Gummo informed me on Friday, the trailer is now available for public viewing.
Ladies and Germs, please behold in breathless wonder the majesty that IS producer Roger Corman's forthcoming made-for-the-SyFy Channel (right away, a guarantee of quality) classic...
SHARKTOPUS!!!
Sharktopus is currently scheduled to premier on the aforementioned SyFy Channel in September; we'll keep you posted as the actual date approaches. And yes...this really does look like it may be The Greatest Movie Ever Made, by which I mean even better than the same network's sublime Mansquito.
Video Event of the Week: Could Summit Entertainment's various disc editions of Roman Polanski's riveting The Ghost Writer, with Pierce Brosnan and Ewan McGregor, be what we're talking about? Might Kino's restored version(s) of Albert Lewin's phantasmagorical technicolor epic Pandora and the Flying Dutchman, with James Mason and Ava Gardner, deserve the nod? Or -- and I don't think this is as silly as it might sound -- is Lionsgate's DVD or Blu-ray of the hilarious superhero spoof Kick-Ass actually The One?
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